Has it ever occurred to any of you that the greatest most noble heroic figures were the ones who started off with absolutely nothing?

Let’s take the fictitious character for example; Harry Potter.
His character progresses from an unloved orphan with an extremely dim future due to his unsupportive aunt and uncle who would always mistreat him, to becoming a great wizard who managed to gather all 7 horcrux belonging to Lord Voldermort in order to defeat him.
How did he find such courage and power to go on? 

I received a heart breaking email from my father a few days ago. It was supposed to be an eye opener. If you get what I meant. But the few things I extracted out of it were:

1) I am weak. Weak enough to burst into tears at something written. Something that was uttered to me countless times in the past. Yet, I still manage to shed tears.
2) Life was unfair & I am the most selfish human being to ever exist.
3) I need to fix things really badly.


His situation in the distant past somehow resembled Harry Potter’s in the oddest ways. (Though, bear in mind: presence of evil warlocks and magical wands were sort of irrelevant in my father’s case). He came from nothing and he was no one. He had nothing, sometimes…less than nothing. Yet he’s managed to raise me well enough, more than that actually. He brought me up so well & has given me so much that I fear not being able to live up to the kind of person that should result out of his upbringing.

It’s sad that I’m actually typing this on my blog.
 

Correct me if I’m mistaken, but it feels like I’ve blogged about this before. Yes, I am going through a “tough phase” in life. It’s most probably why I’m pondering over this. Success, why does this aspect of life affect me so much? Why is it so important? I guess because it sucks to be a pathetic loser.
 

All of the above was typed in the confines of the college computer lab. I am supposed to be studying quietly at one of those individual study carrels but being the epitome of “EPIC FAIL”, I fell asleep for 20minutes or so before being awakened by the agonizing sensation of having numb legs. Almost 2pm now, haven’t had breakfast/brunch/lunch. I am already thinking about dinner.
 

I realize that I need to find some sort of magical source of determination so that I will be driven by said magical determination to study harder & therefore not fail academically and thus succeed. Why do I have to be such a loser? The one-on-one academic hearing I am compelled to attend is in a few mere hours. 

I am so terrified.

Current Mood: Hollow
Currently: Completing my biology report on Mitosis while screaming to Better Off Dead by The Faders.


a view under the light microscope, taken with my iPhone

Last Wednesday, did this experiment with plant cells (bits of garlic bulbs) to determine the stages of mitosis: interphase, prophase, metaphase, anaphase, telophase and cytokinesis. I like doing the experiment part, it was a little disappointing at first. Still, you get to waste 2 hours toying around with lab equipments, instead of trying to refrain yourself from sleeping at the back of the class whilst the lecture continues.




Playing with lab stuff trumps trying not to sleep. Any day.

The part I hate most would be the insane 3000 word paper that comes after it. Lazy people like me definitely HATE this infamous thing called "The Bio Report". I have 12 hours before having to submit it. Can I pull it off? THE HELL I CAN. Because I'm so kick-ass and awesome. Heh. I need to change this whole last minute thing. Actually, I need to change A LOT. I have so many things I wanna do but never the time to do them.

Time management skills? ZERO.

xxxxxx

When I was on my way to class (very early in the morning), I encountered a very delightful person. I was just minding my own business, despite trying so bad not to panic because I was already very late and the bus wasn't there yet. These two minah kampung(uncivilized ladies?) were standing right behind me. Usually, I don't make my whole "snobby city brat" persona so obvious. Tried being so very down to earth, spoke Malay once in a while because minah kampungs are way more comfortable speaking in Malay.

I don't have anything against them, per se. BUT I DON'T GET IT. When you come to the city (ok, maybe Shah Alam isn't so much of "THE BIG CITY"), you're supposed to at least bring a certain good kampung girl image. Like, all innocent, understanding and kind-hearted, taking it all in. Now I'm just stereotyping. You're not supposed to taint that image by being a complete bitch. Some of these minah kampungs are WORSE than the city kids who are supposedly widely known to be snobbish & unkind by displaying obvious superiority because they're more...up to date with current affairs of the world..?

Instead, these minah kampungs give you DIRTY LOOKS. You know, the looks that cool kids give you 'cause you're so lame & not wearing the latest "in" thing? Except, there isn't even anything so "cool" about these minah kampungs. I get many stares, I returned them with smiles. Only some would smile back after staring at me in that horrid way. BUT YEAH MAN. Are you like...so disgusted with city kids because you've stereotyped them into categories of spoilt snobs? Is that why you throw awful looks?

Isn't this side of the world so funny? The uncool kids are giving the stink-eye. Why so judgmental? Anyway, back to my story. These two particular minah kampungs were standing behind me. A pretty girl walked past us in a black scarf, maybe she wasn't so used to wearing a scarf and it looks sort of weird (though kind of cute, see...she's probably the type of person I'd like to be friends with. I witness people giving her unkind stares, when she's not even so bad. She has a cute bag. & she has a friendly face. She doesn't stare rudely).

The minah kampungs were making fun of the girl, to make the story short. & it was in the harshly spoken Malay. They were bitching about her so much until it enraged me so much, I feel like slapping them. I was already so late for class, and here....they are trying to ruin my morning by being SO HORRIBLE. I stole a sideway glance at them. Like, first of all, to be criticizing someone's outfit, you gotta at least dress better, yeah?

But this minah kampung who bitched about the poor girl with the gorgeous bag was wearing such a hideous outfit that my eyes were starting to go SORE IN UNBEARABLE AGONY. She was wearing army green cargos with a blinding red long sleeved top. HELLO, are you colorblind and from the 90s? I was very close to swearing very colorfully at her and tell her to shut the fuck up because she's literally ruining my morning with her spiteful words. You're supposed to start your day pleasantly, instead of just being mean.



AND maybe, get a clue and realize who you are first, before saying things like that about people. Come on, man. You're a freakin' minah kampung. SEDAR SIKIT. Kau ingat kau tu bagus sangat ke ha? Kalau semua orang melayu macam kau kan, then I feel so very embarrassed to admit that I'm even Malay. I'm extremely IMPRESSED that I'm even being nice, adapting and trying to speak full Malay just to mix in with you minah kampungs when in actuality, I wouldn't even glance at you & bitch, I'd shoot you the judgmental stare 24/7.

Don't make The Mean Farhanah come out of her little cage.

12:22pm Saturday
I need to start on my bio report sometime soon. MUST COMPLETE BY SUNDAY. But how can I start with a MESSY DESK? & a messy mind? I shall make a list. & clean!

12:27pm Saturday
Procrastinating: Lately, I've run out of clothes. How can this be when I've overspent so much? RM1700 in less than a month means you belong in some sort of Shoppers Anonymous group.

12:43pm Saturday
A list has been produced!



13:14pm Saturday
Showering. Desk is all neat & tidy. Room is CLEAN.

13:36pm Saturday
Walking out of dorm & meeting up with Nitya for lunch.

16:51pm Saturday
Procrastinating: I am actually ashamed to type down the full story. So I will enclose keywords: lunch, Secret Recipe, Japanese Soba, Pepsi, random, crazy, karaoke, S Club 7's "Have You Ever?", no voice.

& some pictures might be nice:







18:09pm Saturday
Procrastinating: Sharon has just woken up & invited me to go jogging. It is essential to get the heart pumping! Shall go.

19:07pm Saturday
Extremely satisfied. I RAN today. Now, dinner with Sharon & Yang Wei.

20:01pm Saturday
Procrastinating. Cooling down, completely forgotten all about biology report. Shall now shower.

21:50pm Saturday
Tired

22:59pm Saturday
Listening to iPod. Missing my windbreaker with the hood. Munching on Vanilla and chocolate wafer cubes.

Jogged with the awesome Nadzirah today. She has a sense of humour. It was hilarious. We tried doing pull ups. I did a total of THREE SUCCESSFUL PULL-UPS and boasted.

Me: I AM SOO STRONG
Nadz: You're skinny, that's what you are.
Me: Haha. Okay, true.

& we saw these two stray cats just staring at us, and just observing other random joggers. They must be so wise, they looked wise. Like, all high and mighty, observing other people who were; jogging, panting, puffing, playing frisbee, sliding down the slides, clinging onto monkey bars.

At one point, we even tried to make up dialogues for what the two cats might be thinking.
EG: Upon seeing these kids clinging onto monkey bars...

Cat#1: Humans. So foolish.
Cat#2: If we were given hands, I'm sure we'd put them to better use.
Cat#1: Honestly, they look like monkeys. Climbing and swinging.
Cat#2: What does a monkey look like?
Cat#1: A monkey looks exactly like those people there, except they're a little bit hairier (though in some cases, humans are as hairy) & they have long tails sticking out of their butt.
Cat#2:


My abs hurt from....all the jogging? I'm not sure. Maybe the stretching. Again, not sure. But, yeah. Pain. I am so unfit. It's okay, I bought new jogging shoes & I shall start going jogging more often. It kind of reduces the lethargic feeling. I get less exhausted.

it is green, my favourite color!

Due to excessive humiliation and utter embarrassment refusing to recede, I shall use this vigorous emotion to inspire me to update my lame excuse of a blog. Let me start by reminding people that today is MONDAY. Doesn't the word sort of make you shudder? Come on: we ALL dread Mondays. It means:
1) the weekend is over
2) back to normal mundane routine
3) school/classes/work?
4) bombardment of homework waiting to commence

It is basically the most depressing part of the week. I woke up with such hesitation and dread this morning. It was a slow morning, class starts at 9AM.

8:07am
*turn off alarm after continuous snoozing*

8:20am
Got out of the toilet & started applying face stuff, according to order:
Multi-active Toner
Gentle Soothing Booster
Clearing Mattifier
Skin Smoothing Cream
Sunblock SPF 30

8:33am
Stuffed books and assorted pens and pencils into backpack and slipped on blue shoes because they are so blue. Who wears blue shoes these days, anyway? Breakfast was skipped, seeing as how I was very late already.

The bus was already there, near the gate but they closed the gate so I had to walkRUN all the way to another gate & make my way over to the bus stop which was near the closed gate, nearly tripping over rocks & my blue Forever21 flats hurt like hell. If this happens in the near future, I'd swing my bag over the closed gate, hitch my skirt and start climbing. Not very lady-like, I am aware.

It's okay, I got to class on time. It was Statistics.
I HATE STATISTICS.
Not the subject, but the class. I just couldn't GET it & when you can't grasp something, it makes you feel a little dumb. And I don't like feeling dumb. HOWEVER, it was different today because: I TOTALLY GOT IT! Maybe due to us having a different lecturer? But I am actually quite excited to complete my Discrete Random Variables homework. It's like…I know this shit!

Then it was maths, which I quite fear, because Miss Yap goes too fast & I, unlike my classmates, haven't learnt anything about this.. cosec, cotangent, blablabla trigonometric functions thingy. I used to be so good in maths! And, oh, also because my mom is really good at math & she used to be colleagues with Miss Yap & therefore there is this faint expectation which I will assure you, is fading day-by-day.

Oh, if only you could inherit ability to solve complicated mathematical problems!

Okay, this is getting boring. I bet you are scrolling down and thinking "gosh, where is the good part?" So I shall enclose this random picture stolen from Kira's blog to grab your attention:

yes that is me.
they really shouldn't make the poster 3D

It wasn't that terrible of a Monday..
I had a SUPER BIG LUNCH, & tiramisu ice cream afterwards.
I understood Statistics & Maths. Bio class was cancelled, so it was a breather.
All good, right? YEP.
UNTIL I FELL DOWN AND RIPPED MY SKIRT AND SCRATCHED MY KNEES AND WAS LIMPING THE WHOLE WAY. KTHXBYE.

So embarrassed.

Hello earthlings.
Sorry, been busy!

Kira slept over for the past few days, which was BRILLIANTLY AWESOME & MEGA FUN. Also, exhausting and surreal. She came in the morning, we took a cab to the Subang KTM train station where we met Mr. Afie. I'm gonna refer to him as Mr. Afie as it is very ironic to me, considering he was the youngest on our little train adventure. Kira & I hopped out of the cab and casually sauntered over to Afie…I'm sorry, I meant Mr Afie…who I found was idly leaning against the wall. He looked morose and blank. I bet it was all that waiting. or lack of sleep. It's freaky how my latter assumption was correct. I don't recall us greeting each other, maybe it was because I was too parched? Yeah, bought a drink afterwards. I knew he was going to get a Sprite™ and I got a can of Iced Lemon Tea with bits of Aloe Vera. No soda for me, thank you. Kira bought some Mentos.

Later, Emilia came! We somehow positioned ourselves in a circle (sort of) under the spinning fan, waiting for Ariff & Afiq to come. It was a hot day. I was looking around and my attention was transfixed on this man in a distance. I was trying to make out if he was selling something, or begging for money or whatever he seemed to be doing until Mr Afie found me staring & started saying something about having discovered my future husband, as I was caught staring at him curiously. It was tres annoying. But it was good. It meant Mr Afie was still Mr Afie and god forbid anything from changing. Things were good. Things were the way they used to be, the way they're SUPPOSED to be. He was being extremely lame and funny in a not-so-funny way.


Me & Mr. Afie.


Kira has very long hair!

Ariff & Afiq arrived. Finally. We got on the train & we had to stand, it was full. After some bickering & whatnot, we arrived at KL Central & had to walk all the way to the other monorail station and get tickets there. We had to cross the streets while doing it. At that moment, I would've traded anything to be one of them police traffic officers, you know? Because drivers here were merciless, especially at zebra crosses. I shall sue them & they wouldn't know what hit them! but I couldn't just go off being a police traffic officer, because who will be ME? & who will be going to Berjaya Times Square to get on the rides at Cosmo's Theme Park? WHO, tell me, WHO? Right. On the train to the next stop, Mr Afie & I were arguing.

Me: If you're sick, why are you here?
Mr Afie: Because you told me to come?
Me: I did invite you. but you could've told me you were sick and not come!
Mr Afie: I DID TELL YOU when you called.
Me: Er… Oh, really?
Mr Afie: But you were practically begging me to come.
Me: What? NO, I wasn't.


This is me, trying to point out (literally) how delusional he was.

I maintained that it was an invitation and no pleading occurred. He seemed to recall that I was begging him to come. We stopped at Imbi station & somehow walked down the stairs & ended up inside Berjaya Times Square. I was familiar with the place, so we knew where to head to.


Emilia, Me & Kira


Ariff & Afiq


Ate at McDonald's first. I think this is like….tradition. Every time I go to Cosmo's Theme Park, there was always a pre-ride brunch at McDonald's. I wasn't hungry so I got the chicken burger and split that with Afiq. & it made me very angry! FUMING WITH UTTER RAGE! The burger, I mean..not the sharing part. It was over-fried and it was VERY hard. I'll add that to bad burger experiences. I am never eating at Fuddrucker's because they burnt my BBQ bacon burger with guacamole. I don't think I'll be getting ANY chicken burgers there anymore. Had Iced Lemon Tea again. This must be some sort of addiction?



Okay, then the fun began. Went on rides. It was a mistake starting on the scary rides first because Emilia grew terrified & wouldn't go on the roller coaster or any of the other crazy rides. I'm not going to say much, but it was fun going with my crazy friends. I rode on the roller coaster with Kira & funny thing was….she was scared of it at first but couldn't stop screaming and "whoooo"ing even after it stopped. HAHA. I feel the need to mention that Ariff & Emilia were too much of a coward to go on the roller coaster. Afie was also sick, & it was best if he didn't go on it. The DNA mixer was hell. in a way.



I bet they skyped before coming & therefore synchronized their outfits!


Kira & Ariff


Took this on one of the rides! Heehee. I do not fear heights.
Except when climbing shaky foldable ladders to change light bulbs.


Mr. Afie & Kira.


DNA MIXER.

Had most of the fun with the bumper cars. Damn. No pictures, but it was fun. When we were queueing up, these boys started arguing, they were slapping each other and slamming each other against the walls!

Me: Do you go to school? ;O
Boy #1: YES
Me: Did your teacher ever teach you not to fight with anyone?
Boy #2 takes a punch at Boy #1 as he was rendered speechless by my acquisition.
Me: HEY, STOP THAT. Don't fight. Come on, hug now! You guys are brothers!
Boy #1 & Boy #2 stares at crazy weird person which happens to be me.


It somehow ended with me taking a picture of them & promising to blog about them.

Emilia & I insisted that we go on the rides for little kids. Like the Fantasy Trail and the Botanic Drive. The Botanic drive amused me. Since we're all 17, we're all learning how to drive & Emilia already has her license. The cars were moved automatically of course; the steering wheel was just for kicks. As we slid into the cars for the Botanic Drive, Emilia started adjusting the side view mirrors and insisting that we fasten our seat belts. Very responsible driver! HEEE. + in the middle of the so called Botanic Drive, there were large pumpkins which caused Emilia to yelp "PUMPKINS!"


In the car for the Botanic Drive.
Ariff, Mr. Afie & Emilia.
It was amusing! Oh how I love her. hehe.




Ariff's shirt was glowing in the dark!


I make them feel very embarrassed and humiliated.


Me & Kira


This ride was called "Dizzy Izzy".
Makes my head spin.




Then we went on the Crazy Bus & started screaming our head off. It wasn't scary, but just for the fun of it. It was one of the children's rides. Ariff tried to hit on the girl manning the Crazy Bus. Nice try, dude but it ain't gonna work.

By 4.30, we decided to head back. I don't remember what happened, but Kira & I got pissed off at them & sort of just LEFT & we hid behind a pillar & sat there. (and took pictures too) Until Mr. Afie called.

Me: yes?
Mr Afie: where are you guys?
Me: We left! We're outside. Yup. Kira wants to play bowling. If you guys could just come out, it's just outside the exit. We're at lane 6!

That's how detailed my lie was :P

Kira & Me.


Our shoes


Reached KTM station in Subang & walked to Subang Parade for late lunch at The Chicken Rice Shop. I think I must have lost my appetite. I shared the Honey roasted BBQ chicken with Emilia, though it was more like "I can't finish this, EMILIA PLEAAAAASEEEE HELP ME?" since she wasn't eating anything. OH, & she just got back from Japan & gave me these cool chopsticks. I LOVE CHOPSTICKS, they are very useful. I was very exhausted by then, from not sleeping so well the previous night due to jet lag.

Headed home after lunch & showered. Kira & I then went to Sunway Pyramid for dinner. We ate at Fullhouse, which is this new place that had just opened. I over-ordered AGAIN. Ordered the caesar salad with salmon, black peppered chicken chop, mashed potatoes, chocolate brownies and these little tarts and assorted strawberry and tiramisu cakes. It was very delicious. I liked the chicken. I liked the salad, I liked the brownies and the little tarts and cakes were SOO AMAZING.










Saw Avatar & went back home pretty late. Very dangerous to be roaming around at those hours. Nothing bad happened, but don't think I'd be doing that anymore, the whole catching a movie so late at night thing. I was very tired and sleepy during the movie, but the ending was so epic that it got me so pumped up and angry at the bad guys. HOW COULD HUMANITY BE SO UGLY?

Watched Bring It On 5: Fight To The Finish with Kira. It was a good movie. Funny, colorful characters. You should watch it if you're into Chick Flicks. Slept at nearly 6am. YEAH & woke up by 9.30am to shower & head out to get tickets to Sherlock Holmes because HELLO, ROBERT DOWNEY JR IS IN IT AND JUDE LAW TOO. *melts into icky puddle* At 11.30am, we had brunch at Wendy's. I had a daring Shrimp Supreme burger & passion fruit juice from Auntie Anne's. Ninez & Amira came afterwards.
GIRLS DAY OUT, BABY.




This is what normal people would look like with 3 hours of sleep.
Yeah, exhibit is on the left.


This is me hugging Robert Downey Jr because I LOVE him.

In the middle of Sherlock Holmes, I dozed off to sleep TWICE. It was an interesting movie, don't get me wrong. But you need CONCENTRATION. Something I happen to lack due to sleep deprivation. Afiq met up with us around 3pm & we headed downstairs to karaoke! IT WAS SO MUCH FUN.

Ninez & Kira & Amira can really sing. I can't even go that high. But yeah, totally enjoyed myself. Afiq sang Oops I Did It Again by Britney Spears. See, you can just totally make a fool of yourself & still have fun. I had fun with Amira singing Hollaback Girl. I AIN'T NO HOLLABACK GIRL. It was 3 hours of total insanity and epic hyper-ness.



SAKAE SUSHI

Had dinner at you know where :P My fave place. Again, I over ordered. It's not even funny anymore! & also decided that going out to celebrate New Year's Eve? TOTALLY OVERRATED. & extremely pointless.

Farhanah says: (8:16:54 PM)
you need chocolate
shahid fuhrer says: (8:17:16 PM)
: O
Farhanah says: (8:17:22 PM)
not the m&ms kin
Farhanah says: (8:17:24 PM)
kind*
Farhanah says: (8:17:29 PM)
but the huge chunky bar kind
Farhanah says: (8:18:40 PM)
it has something to do with the brain releasing some sort of chemical
shahid fuhrer says: (8:18:40 PM)
cadbury
Farhanah says: (8:18:47 PM)
after youve had chocolate
Farhanah says: (8:19:05 PM)
plus, remember. in the 3rd movie . the professor gave harry potter some chocolate so that he would calm down
Farhanah says: (8:19:07 PM)
?
shahid fuhrer says: (8:20:11 PM)
yeahh
shahid fuhrer says: (8:20:13 PM)
HAHA
shahid fuhrer says: (8:20:16 PM)
i cant believe
shahid fuhrer says: (8:20:21 PM)
you made that a reference
shahid fuhrer says: (8:20:21 PM)
HAHA
Farhanah says: (8:20:29 PM)
i am pretty lame at times.
Farhanah says: (8:20:40 PM)
hey, we cant always be creative 24/7
shahid fuhrer says: (8:20:45 PM)
well your lameness is so cool

I AM COOL :D haha
Made my day.

The contents of this post is written in english interspersed with Malay.
But, as there will be some of my friends who wouldn't understand it, i'll probably translate in brackets. If I'm not too lazy.

So, there's this girl, KIRA. AND SHE'S AWESOME.
She's like my bestest bestfriend ever (Don't care if I sound super corny & cheesy).
She's always soo there for me 24/7
and mostly supportive all the time
with an ear to listen to my nonsensical jibber jabber about things that do not make sense.
She's also a very great friend, extremely fun to hang out with.
AND ridiculously hilarious in many ways.
We mesh well, to sum it up.

She understands, which is a good trait a friend should have.
And I often bug her with my silly almost petty notions

Farhanah says: (9:34:52 AM)
i hate guys. 
lol. hate them a lot
kirawesome. says: (9:35:53 AM)
whats wrong?
Farhanah says: (9:36:18 AM)
plenty of reasons. but i like to think that i hate certain types
just.. just.. assholes and jerks and those sorts.
kirawesome. says: (9:36:45 AM)
yeaaaah
i understand
Farhanah says: (9:36:50 AM)
hahahah
especially the ones yg flirt bnyk
(especially the ones who flirt a lot)
kirawesome. says: (9:37:13 AM)
yeaaah
who are you talking about ni?
Farhanah says: (9:37:36 AM)
just random sweet talkers. u know the type.
kirawesome. says: (9:43:12 AM)
i know what you're saying
the guys yang sweet talk alot,
(the guys who sweet talk a lot)

x

I think our friendship is JUST like the ones in those chick flick movies. It makes me all warm and happy because it is very surreal. Never had a bad day while hanging out with her, YET :P

Farhanah says: (9:43:49 AM)
how bout pavillion? can we get there with KTM or what?
I SOO HAVENT BEEN :(
kirawesome. says: (9:44:02 AM)
yeaah can,
Farhanah says: (9:44:08 AM)
u know how?
kirawesome. says: (9:44:18 AM)
then we have to take monorail to bukit bintang then walk to pavillion yeah i know how
Farhanah says: (9:44:20 AM)
JOM KITA PERGI??
(LET'S GO??)
kirawesome. says: (9:44:26 AM)
yeaaah of course boleh!
(yeaahh of course we can!)
Farhanah says: (9:44:28 AM)
ahahhaa. 
wooo hooo. gonna be funnn. what's not fun is going back to studying
i start 4th jan :( ape niii
kirawesome. says: (9:58:07 AM)
ohh
sama dengan sekolah ahaha
Farhanah says: (9:58:25 AM)
YUP. kiranya mcm pergi skolah la ni
kirawesome. says: (9:58:32 AM)
ahahh tu laa

x

AND, sometimes things aren't so peachy and movie-perfect.
But if it did, it would be less thrilling.

kirawesome. says: (10:02:34 AM)
ohh cuz i didnt wanna go out till after singapore
Farhanah says: (10:02:44 AM)
why not? WHEN are you going to singapore?
kirawesome. says: (10:02:49 AM)
tomorrow
Farhanah says: (10:02:56 AM)
what?
o_O thank you, for the notice.

x

Other times, we're just catching up. It's so funny though, because I sooooo rarely see her anymore. Given that we're not even going to the same school. Or lived anywhere near each other. Or... eh, you get what I mean.

Farhanah says: (9:59:33 AM)
how was the annual dinner?
why didnt you go to prom again?
no one died though.
like in that movie, Prom Night.
I wouldve loved to see someone dying.
kirawesome. says: (10:00:24 AM)
ahahaa
i know
well dinner was okay,
i was too lazy to go prom ahaha
Farhanah says: (10:00:50 AM)
THATS THE SPIRIT! =.='
kirawesome. says: (10:01:01 AM)
ahaha

Despite all of the difficulties, I still think she's the best
HONESTLY! I feel sooo lucky. Some people haven't ever had friends like those.

This was back when we were 16.

ANYWAY. Thanks Kira, for being you. ily!

I'm feeling elated. Just like that Shania Twain song. Things are going to be all right.
I just know it.

"Man, I feel like a woman"
I'm goin' out tonight, I'm feelin' all right.
Gonna let it all hang out...
Wanna make some noise, really raise my voice.
Yeah, I wanna scream and shout!

Dates are not so important to me. Neither is the exact time. But I just like details, you know? Hooks that you use to keep track of things. Anything. Does that mean date and time is important to me? Haven't got a clue. Just been wondering because people have made theories that apparently women totally care about the exact date and time and basically specific details while men….they're just generally programmed to function slightly different and so are oblivious to these so called "minor details". Let's forget about that before I completely numb your brain.

I don't feel like being silly.

Does that sound weird? I read back my blogs a few months ago. I sounded oddly….childish. I still think I'm childish, but at this exact moment.. I wouldn't have written down whatever I had written. I think I was writing for an audience at the time. Now it is just for the sole purpose of me, maintaining my sanity. Or lack thereof.

I used to use weird combos of words.. Like "craptastic". I HATE HOW WE JUST ADAPT AND WE LOSE OURSELVES. I lost myself. I have no grasp of my inner core. I mean, what even makes me me?

I SOLEMNLY SWEAR.....
From now on, I don't want to blend in. This will be my last post as a very passive lost-person-trying-to-figure-out-who-she-is-but-fails-so-she-succumbs-to-the-environment and becomes something else.